Gratitude is the key to well-being. Here's how to get more of it.

Did you know gratitude is key to well-being?

Not money. Not privilege. Not ease of life. 

Gratitude.

Studies have repeatedly shown how people who keep a list of things that irritate them compare to those who keep a list of things they’re grateful for.

(Mind you: this doesn’t just mean writing things down. When you constantly complain to your family or co-workers, that’s keeping a list.)

Bottom line: practicing negativity makes you negative. While practicing gratitude can:

Why is gratitude so powerful? 

Gratitude is like a magnet, drawing positive emotions, memories, and perspectives to itself. More gratitude is like more magnets, creating a gravitational field of positive emotions, memories, and points of view.

Perspective is essentially mental health insurance. Once you’ve got it, there’s no problem that can’t be treated.

'Anti-grateful' is becoming an identity

Unfortunately, the denial of gratitude seems to have become an identity these days. Conservatives aren’t happy about what they’ve conserved. Progressives aren’t happy about their progress. And if you do show gratitude, you risk being seen as a compromiser by one side or the other.

After all, who are you to be blessed and happy while “our country is going to hell” / “there is so much systemic injustice”? 

In my 15+ years working with genocide survivors, refugees, etc, it seems those who suffer most are often the most grateful—always thanking God in the midst of poverty, war, and hardship. So much so, there may even be an inverse relationship between ease of life and depth of gratitude…

So how do we practice gratitude?

1. Gratitude Journal

One of the most tried-and-true tactics is to simply keep a “gratitude journal”. There are no rules on this—it just means jotting down some things you’re grateful for with some regularity. You can do it daily over your morning coffee. You can recount your day each night as you go to bed. Align it with a weekend spiritual practice. Or practice it randomly when thoughts (positive or negative) arise. Full paragraphs. Single words. Cave drawings on the back of a napkin. Or put it in your Notes app. Everything belongs. The key is to start.

2. Gratitude Letter

If the idea of adding a new daily/weekly discipline to your life sounds daunting, why not carve out 15 minutes to write one letter where you recount the last month or year? Take stock. Cover some ground. See how you feel!

The goal here is not to write the perfect letter or keep the perfect journal. The goal is to start something. You can build on it later.

A friend sent me a few of their entries last week, which spurred me on further. So, in the interest of paying it forward, I’ve included an imperfect “gratitude letter” of my own. I hope it helps. 

#AttitudeIsLife

My Sample Gratitude Letter for You

Dear Jeremy, 

What an amazing year it has been. I’m so grateful to have walked this road and learned what I’ve learned. 

Eighteen months ago, as you know (because you were there), I was sidelined, then fired, from the nonprofit I founded and led for 15 years. Devastating. Infuriating. Humiliating.

But then… 

I decided not to waste time whining. I might have lost my job, but I wasn’t going to lose my year. Let alone lose my faith, my hope, or my love. I wasn’t going to let you down like that. 

I decided to learn. I decided to grow. And above all, I decided to be grateful.

I got so much more time with my family. 

I got space to be alone.

I got to live free of public expectations.

I stopped skipping meals. (I slept 8 hours a night for the first time in my adult life—I didn’t know that was a thing people actually did!)

Our family started walking, playing, and working out together.

Now, at 43, I’ve already faced my biggest fear… and survived! 

I’ve seen friendship I never could have imagined and experienced generosity that I’d only heard of.

And, perhaps most importantly, I now know that even when I hit rock bottom, I bounce! 

I’m not only grateful that we have shelter, food, and health, but that we’ve made deliberate choices to improve our quality of life. In a year that could have been defined by denial, depression, and despair, I’m grateful we’ve used the adversity to level up our organizational design, our service model, and our leadership principles.

I’m grateful for the team, the donors, and the communities rebuilding with us.

At a time when my loftiest ideas and ideals were stress-tested beyond anything I’ve had to personally contend with, I’m grateful to find my faith in-tact and my heart expanded. Surrounded by voices demanding we all take the most negative, cynical view of each other, I’m more committed than ever to extending the benefit of the doubt, embracing personal responsibility, rejecting blame, and working to create a world where we all rise together.

This route was not my first choice. But I’m grateful for the road we’re on, knowing that it doesn’t have to change the destination, and trusting that the unexpected detour will be full of its own joys that make us better, stronger, and more full of love.

I thank God, I thank the friends, and I thank the critics… everyone’s my teacher and everything belongs.

And, lastly, like Snoop Dogg said, “I wanna thank me.” Whatever else might be true, I’m on this road because of me—good and bad, highs and lows, rights and wrongs—I brought me here. And I’m sure going to make the most of it.

For 15 years, I was singularly obsessed. That was fun. Today, I’m tapped into an entire Constellation of Joy. I know now that stars will blaze and stars will fade. But no single star can tell the story of a life lived to its fullness. And I will spend the rest of my life connecting the dots of gratitude into an ever-expanding picture of Love.

Keep going! 

Jeremy